It took 5 weeks, but I am happy to say that I have survived labor class. To be honest, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be and I feel like I learned a lot. Follow these tips and advice and you, too, can survive labor class.
1. Try hard in your first class to listen to everything the instructor has to say.
2. Don’t spend your first class trying to guess whose pregnancy was planned and whose was not.
3. Try and remember the names of all the other people in your class.
4. Try and forget all the intimate information and over-sharing that fellow classmates do.
5. Get comfortable with the words uterus, crowning, cervix and cesarean.
6. Try not to cringe at the words tearing, bleeding, discharge, and vasectomy.
7. Don’t giggle at any words, not one.
8. The instructor is secretly judging you. Move past this.
8. Tell others in the class you are unsure of what you plan to name your baby. Use the words unique or original to describe the names they have chosen. Do not use words like earthy, crunchy, or different. Also try very hard not to make the face that says, “Oh my god! What the hell are you thinking?”
9. Accept that there is at least one woman in the class who is already fighting for the position of best mom in the universe.
10. Finally, and most importantly, on your way home do not look at your wife and say, “Gee, that doesn’t seem so bad.” This will not work out well for you.