The old me, the one who didn’t have a son (or a care in the world for that matter) wasn’t bothered by a whole heck of a lot. The new me however, the one oozing in daddy, tends to get pretty annoyed, pretty fast, by pretty much everything. This stuff wouldn’t have phased the old me, with my backwards hat and rock n roll attitude. But now, for me, the game has changed. So I’m writing my list and I’m letting everyone know.
1. Motorcycles – the old me didn’t care at all. What’s wrong with someone out for a cruise on a hot summer night with the wind in their hair.The freedom of the open road baby! The new me hates their very existence.“Hey you, easy rider, yeah you, the one screaming down my residential street at 9:30 pm, why don’t you take your bike and drive off a F-ing cliff.” Last week someone went screaming by my house on their bike and was so loud that it woke up my son. As I tried to rock him back to sleep I couldn’t help but wish for the guy to get a ticket, or go to jail, or be attacked by a bear, something like that.
While I’m on the subject of noise at night I have a few neighbors who like to party weeknights. The old me would have loved it, as I would have probably been over there teaching them all how to play beer die. Now I know better. Once the sun is down and it gets to be 9 on a weeknight I begin to transform into a pumpkin. I would very much like it if those enjoying being young and free could do it quietly, indoors, with a game of Monopoly or something. As I hear car doors, slamming, music blaring and people yelling in the streets about how they love bud light that new Katie Perry song, I think about all the money I could have saved by buying a house in Old Town next to college kids. The feel would have been the same but the taxes would have been lower.
As a new parent I have also decided I don’t like the way the movie theaters runs their showtimes. 7 is too early because my son is still up and 9:30 is too late because I want to be home and in bed before midnight. Please start showing movies at 8 for myself and all the other pathetic parents out there who have not yet seen Batman.
Lines bug me a lot more than they used to as well so moving forward I would like there to be a line for people with small children only at Hannaford, Target, and any other place I have to lug my kid.
Before I had a son of my own, I was’t a huge fan of babies. Now that I have one, that still hasn’t changed. Don’t get me wrong, I love mine. But because I see him so much I don’t have time for anyone else’s. I’m a little babied out. So sorry in advance if I’m not a huge fan of your precious little wiggle factory. Its not that I don’t care, it’s just that I am elbow deep in my own.
It will be interesting to see if these feeling of bitterness and resentment for the rest of the happy world will pass with time. Will I go back to being happy go lucky? Or will I continue down this path and become an old curmudgeon? The type that remembers what everything costs 20 years ago and who hates it when people ride their bikes on my grass. I guess only time will tell.