Why I am jealous of my 1-year-old

Life is good. Or at least it is it would be if I were a toddler.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t have it that bad. I have a home, food in the fridge, a family that loves me and most of my hair. But still I can’t help but be envious of my 1-year old. Here are just some of the reasons why.

  • He gets a bigger crowd for birthday parties than I do.
  • Nothing he eats is low-fat. Along those same lines there is a cheese component to most meals.
  • It’s socially acceptable for him to watch nothing but cartoons.
  • He has toys in every room of the house.
  • The more he eats, the more he gets praise.
  • He is encouraged to take multiple naps a day.
  • People literally spend hours a day planning fun activities for him.
  • He is a better dresser than me.
  • Women love him.
  • All women love him. (It’s worth putting on here twice)
  • Rarely do people show up to visit and not bring him a gift.
  • He can get away with wild and flamboyant hats.
  • He gets to sleep in the car.
  • Getting ice cream all over his face in endearing.
  • All his books have pictures.
  • If he doesn’t like the situation he is in, he can just pitch a fit.
  • He does not have to get up and go to work each day.
  • He pushes his belly out with pride when he walks by people instead of sucking it in.
  • His clothing has animal prints on it.
  • He is more popular on Facebook than I am.
  • 2 words: whole milk. Next to it my skim milk looks like cloudy pond water.
  • No one cares if he has food and dirt stains all over his outfit.
  • He gets free cookies at Hannaford.

 

Pat Lemieux

About Pat Lemieux

Pat has it all, family, big old house, dogs, a newborn son and a quarter-life crisis. He blogs about trying to be who he has always been and be who he now needs to be. He enjoys 90's grunge metal, tasty local brews and the outdoors.