Life is good. Or at least it is it would be if I were a toddler.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t have it that bad. I have a home, food in the fridge, a family that loves me and most of my hair. But still I can’t help but be envious of my 1-year old. Here are just some of the reasons why.
- He gets a bigger crowd for birthday parties than I do.
- Nothing he eats is low-fat. Along those same lines there is a cheese component to most meals.
- It’s socially acceptable for him to watch nothing but cartoons.
- He has toys in every room of the house.
- The more he eats, the more he gets praise.
- He is encouraged to take multiple naps a day.
- People literally spend hours a day planning fun activities for him.
- He is a better dresser than me.
- Women love him.
- All women love him. (It’s worth putting on here twice)
- Rarely do people show up to visit and not bring him a gift.
- He can get away with wild and flamboyant hats.
- He gets to sleep in the car.
- Getting ice cream all over his face in endearing.
- All his books have pictures.
- If he doesn’t like the situation he is in, he can just pitch a fit.
- He does not have to get up and go to work each day.
- He pushes his belly out with pride when he walks by people instead of sucking it in.
- His clothing has animal prints on it.
- He is more popular on Facebook than I am.
- 2 words: whole milk. Next to it my skim milk looks like cloudy pond water.
- No one cares if he has food and dirt stains all over his outfit.
- He gets free cookies at Hannaford.