Raising a three-year old, by the numbers

So for those of you who are thinking of having kids, or have a baby and are wondering what life will be like when they are 3 years old, please read on. I have meticulously calculated life with a 3-year old, by the numbers.

3 — Number of years your child has been alive.

15 — The number of years your child has taken off your life.

10 — Number of years added to paying off your credit card debt.

2 — Number of different meals you will have to prepare each night.

90 — Number of minutes if will take for your child to eat dinner.

3 — Number of actual bites of dinner consumed during the 90 minutes.

17 — Number of times your child will say your name while trying to get your attention.

45 — Items your child will pull off the shelf at the grocery store.

2 — Number of hours you spend following while your child rides around on a tricycle.

0.3 — Distance actually traveled during the 90 minutes.

4 — Different pant sizes you will have for your child at any one time.

0.25 — Pounds of green vegetables consumed a day by the average 3-year-old.

25 — Pounds of granola bars consumed a day by the average 3-year old.

6 — The time at night when you have “had it up to here,” and are counting down the minutes until bedtime.

147 — Times you will answer the same question in a given week.

81 —  Minutes a week your child will spend in time out for hitting the dogs.

17 — Toys that are taken away each day  before noon due to inappropriate usage.

100 — Dollars you will spend on DVDs to keep your child entertained so you can take showers throughout the course of a year.

4 — Number of minutes your child will behave in public before having a meltdown.

2 — Number of minutes your child will behave in a restaurant before meltdown occurs.


19 — Times a day your child will cry.

2 — Times a day your child will cry for legitimate reasons.

3 — Number of stories you read before bedtime.

4 — Number of stories your child asks for before bedtime

65 — Number of minutes it will take to put your kid to bed at night.

3 — Average number of times your child will get up out of bed while claiming not to be tired before finally fall asleep at night.

45 — Minutes you have to get stuff done between when your child goes to bed and when you just want to sit on your ass and watch Netflix.

2 — Times a day your child says, “I don’t like you.”

3 — The number of times a day your child says, “I love you.”

3 — The number of times a day you smile and realize it’s all worth it.


Pat Lemieux

About Pat Lemieux

Pat has it all, family, big old house, dogs, a young son and a quarter-life crisis. He blogs about trying to be who he has always been and be who he now needs to be. He enjoys 90's grunge metal, tasty local brews and the outdoors.